The 2003 Bahamas National Politician Performance (NAPPY) Awards
The awards season is upon us and as we await the GRAMMYS, OSCARS etc. Let's not forget the NAPPY awards
> > The Jerry Roker award goes to Fred Mitchell award - because ya can't find him in town.
> > The Stealth Award goes to Frank Smith, Kenyatta Gibson and Neville Adderley. Like the stealth airplanes you know they are out there somewhere but they never show up on any radar.
> > The "Which way is up?" Award goes to Neville Wisdom, who when he found himself in a hole chose to get a bigger shovel rather than stop digging.
> > The "Stop peeing on me and telling me it's raining "Award goes to the PLP government from the Bahamian people who now all realize that they should not have believed the 2002 campaign promise to, "just put the head in."
> > The "Mort Goldstein Excellence in Business" Award goes to Frankie Wilson who continues to amass a fortune by proving the old adage "in a gold rush, it's not usually the miners who get rich - it's the guy selling the maps, picks and shovels."
> > The Milton Bradley Award goes to Sidney Stubbs. Not only does he still owes $52,000 for the trip to China. But, also has the gall to continue to claim innocence in the Korean fishing boats scandal in the face of overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Not to mention abusing credit cards, vehicles hotel rooms etc. So many games - so little time.
> > The Dragon Award goes to Raynard Rigby who puts out so much useless hot air he must be a fire breather.
> > The Janus Award goes to all those who professed to hate foreigners during the last campaign as opposition yet now actively begging, pursuing and praising foreign investors. Making concessions, kissing Azzes etc.
> > (P.S. If you don't know, take the time to look up who was Janus).
> > The 'Check is in the mail' Award goes to Leslie Miller. How can someone who makes so much continue to owe so many? Pray that he never becomes Minister of Finance. Did anyone bother to do a credit check beforehand?
> > The GQ/Photogenic Award goes to Ron Pinder for consistently being the best dressed, (and best smelling) MP - male or female. Mr. Pinder has never met a camera he did n't like. There were reports that Mr. Pinder once turned down the chance for a photo op. But, that turned out to be false FNM propaganda.
> > The "Hooked on phonics" Award goes to Bradley Roberts who the remarkable ability to get things done... if only he could get through a speech and make it sound like his own.
> > The "See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil" Award goes to Vincent Peete and V.Alfred Gray who stood by while the Korean boat deal went down. They claim no foreknowledge yet approval was given by each of their ministries.
> > The "Da Nile is not just a river in Egypt." Award goes to Perry Christie for the immortal quote "What sissies? ain't no sissies in my Government." Runner-up Sidney Stubbs for the quote, "The Prime Minister never asked me resign."
> > The "Sherlock Holmes Get a clue" - Award goes to Glennis Hanna-Martin - who despite being very smart and having of what is considered the 'easiest ministry' along with an extremely competent permanent secretary at her disposal does not appear to have a clue.
> > The "Poor Taste" Award is a tie between DPM Cynthia Pratt and Kenneth Russell - who both tried to get political points of the Grand Bahama child murders.
> > The "Harry Houdini Great Escape" Award goes to Sidney Stubbs for avoiding prosecution in the Korean Boat deal. Even though Minister Gray stated that laws had been broken and false documents filed.
> > The "Now you see him now you don't" Award goes to Dion Foulkes who disappeared off the scene faster than black man who stumbled on a KKK rally.
> > The "I've got friends in low places" Award goes to Phillip 'Brave' Davis for showing that not only does crime pay, but it pays very well... if you have the right clients.
> > The "Johnny Cochrane" Award goes to Michael Barnett who has represented Sir Lynden, Hubert Ingraham and now Perry Christie. Someone needs to suggest him for QC or PC.
> > [Side note: In all recorded history, there has never been a reported case of an attorney being bitten by a snake... apparently snakes are not cannibalistic!]
> > The "Ready Fire Aim" Award goes to Neville Wisdom who just never seems to think things all the way through before taking action. Mr. shoot first ask questions later.
> > The "Ready Aim Aim" Award goes to Perry Christie, who always seems cocked and ready but can never 'pull the trigger.'
> > The "Balds on a priest - nips on a nun"> Award - aka "The most useless appendage" Award goes to Koed Smith; maybe we do need an Ambassador to the Environment - but first someone needs to explain what he does, and with what authority?
> > The "Albert Einstein Great Idea" Award goes to PM Christie for the brilliant idea that both Minister of Education and Attorney General are part time jobs, even though both our Justice and Education systems continue to be in shambles.
Runner-up was Alfred Sears who let Mr. Christie talk him into trying to prove it.
> > The "Most Unknown Quantity" Award goes to Hubert Ingraham, as the
proverbial snake in the grass. You never know when he will strike. But you know his venom can be fatal.
> > The "Steve Urkel" Award goes to Tommy Turnquest. He is a genius trapped in a nerd's persona; if he can only make the change to Stefan (the 'cool' alter ego) he'll be PM. Perhaps a "Maury Povich makeover".
> > The "Iraqi Scud Missile" Award goes to Whitney Bastian. He always seems to hit something but you're never quite sure what he was aiming at.
> > The "10% of something is better than 100% of nothing" Award goes to Tennyson Wells. Mr. Wells has been a total disappointment as an independent. He was much more effective when he was a part of a political party.
> > The "Cat got your tongue?"Award goes to Bishop Neil Ellis, who hasmlately been uncharacteristically silent and absent from the PM's entourage.
> > The "Didn't you used to be somebody important?" Award goes to B J Nottage. Who is struggling to stay relevant? But was a runner-up for the " unknown quantity" award. Runner-Up: A seven-way tie ex- FNM Cabinet.
> > The 'Emperor's new clothes' Award goes to all those MP's who stood up in the House of Assembly and with a straight face commended Neville Wisdom for the great job he did with the 2002/2003 junkanoo. Let's get real!!!
> > The "Dionne Warwick - Promises, Promises" Award goes to Allison Maynard Gibson who's ministry has yet to successfully implement one significant foreign investment project despite continuous promises. Special mention should go to PM Christie for his promise during the 2003 PLP convention that "his government would announce billions of dollars before the end of the year." We assume that he meant 2003. We're still waiting.
> > The "gee Toto, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore" Award goes to Perry Christie and Mother Pratt who must by now realize that this was not the ride they signed up for.
> > The "You can dress 'em up, but you can't take ‘em out?" Award goes to Melanie Griffiths who's demeanor (or lack of) during the debate on the Willamae Pratt fire showed she still has along way to go.
> > The "Blood is thicker than water" Award goes to Sidney Stubbs for 'hooking up' his best friend, his brother in-law and his cousin in a single move.
> > The "At least wait 'til the body is cold" Award goes to all those wannabe PLP candidates who have recently been seen hovering over the Holy Cross constituency like vultures.
> > The "At least you could use some Vaseline or K-Y" Award goes to all those cabinet ministers and other government officials who are using their influence to direct business to their old law firms, or have the government rent their property, or award government contracts for 'kickbacks', or to get work permits approved in 2 or 3 days or to travel around the world first class or tending to their own private businesses on government time.
> > The "Barney Fife Award" goes to Alfred Sears. Runner up Frank Watson no explanations required.